About Camilla
For Camilla, becoming a mum was never a straightforward journey. From a young age, she knew that fertility might be something she would have to navigate, having experienced multiple gynaecological issues and surgeries for ovarian cysts.
When she was 25 years old, Camilla met the person she knew she wanted to have children with. She had always dreamed of becoming a mum, but she also knew that her path to motherhood might look different from others.
Living through repeated loss
After experiencing her first miscarriage, Camilla knew instantly that she wanted to try again. After 12 losses, each of them brought unimaginable heartbreak but she never lost hope. Deep down, she believed that one day she would hold her baby in her arms, and that hope became what kept her going.
“Each miscarriage hurt more and more,” Camilla explains. “But I knew I didn’t want to give up.”
While every loss was painful, Camilla’s grief often felt intertwined with the belief that she would eventually become a mum. She knew there were no guarantees, but she held onto the thought that her baby was still to come.
Camilla believes that miscarriage is something that deserves much more understanding and empathy. She describes it as a postpartum experience too — a period filled with physical recovery, emotional pain, and grief that can often be overlooked.
One of the biggest things that helped Camilla through her losses was simply having people around her who listened. Friends and family who allowed her to talk, vent, and process what had happened without judgement made a huge difference.
However, some comments, although often said with good intentions, were difficult to hear.
“Things like ‘you’re still young, you can try again’ or ‘at least you know you can get pregnant’ didn’t help,” Camilla shares. “Sometimes you just need someone to listen and acknowledge how much it hurts.”
Becoming a Mum
After everything she had been through, Camilla finally got her rainbow baby. When she held her daughter for the first time, she describes feeling like she was on cloud nine and unable to believe that she was finally real.
However, that happiness soon became mixed with fear and anxiety after a complicated birth and a NICU admission. Having lost twins in NICU the year before, those experiences had a huge impact on Camilla’s mental health and made the early days of motherhood incredibly difficult.
Despite those challenges, becoming a mum made Camilla realise that every struggle had been worth it.
“I would go through everything again to become a mum,” she says.
Mental Health
To this day, the reasons behind Camilla’s miscarriages remain unexplained which causes more and more anxiety because of the not knowing why. Most of her losses happened between four and six weeks of pregnancy, with her most recent miscarriage occurring at 10 weeks.
The uncertainty has made pregnancy incredibly difficult emotionally. Camilla explains that her experiences have left her feeling extremely anxious during pregnancies, constantly worrying that something could go wrong.
Even pregnancy announcements became complicated. Although she did announce her pregnancies, when she was pregnant with her daughter she often felt hesitant and scared to share the news, worried that something might happen.
Looking ahead
Looking back, Camilla’s biggest message to anyone who has experienced miscarriage is simple: don’t give up.
“If I could go back and speak to myself after my first miscarriage, I would tell myself that everything will work out,” she says. “I’d tell myself to keep going because your rainbow baby is coming.”
Camilla’s journey is a reminder that behind every pregnancy, every loss, and every baby born after heartbreak, there is a story filled with strength, love, and resilience. Her path to motherhood was not easy, but it led her to the little girl who made every moment of the struggle worthwhile.
